Better Than Quicksand

Our new space has a ramp in it. This ramp is great for skateboarding, riding a scooter, roller-skates, somersaults, or whatever. Underneath the carpet the ramp is made of metal so when you stomp on it loud noises spread to the surrounding offices. In order to solve this problem we've decided to install a shark pit at the base of the ramp. We're going to get tiger sharks, the most vicious shark known to man. These sharks will be trained to ignore people who tiptoe or walk quietly. People who stomp or walk really really fast will be snapped in two almost instantaneously. We've got insurance for the sharks so we'll be ok on the legal side of things.