xXxchadsaucexXx
01-24-2009, 05:10 PM
This event happened to me last week and although it's a long story, I think someone out there might enjoy hearing about my adventure living in LA. Things like this just happen to me I guess... thank you in advance for reading!
**Although some of you out there might think that I am prone to bit of exaggeration in my stories, I promise you that this is the clear and object honest truth of what transpired. It was so awesome I hardly need to exaggerate anything.**
It's this past Saturday around 2pm. I'm driving with my cousin Dennis and his girlfriend, Annette (who, if you don't know them, are two of the hardest people I know haha) to this party in Brea, CA. I'm riding along with Dennis and Annette, sitting behind Dennis the driver. We're cruising along the 5S, listening to Metallica, when we exit at Imperial HWY. Now there's this CHP car that is flashing their lights behind us and we automatically think "Oh, let's move over, they probably want to get past us." So we pull over. Then he pulls over. And then we realize that they were flashing their lights to actually pull us over.
At this point I'm thinking "SH*T. This is all my fault... I don't have my seatbelt on." So I apologize to Dennis and Annette and begin to slowly pull my seatbelt on. And this is about the point where I actually look behind us. Here's what I saw:
- not 1 CHP car, but 5 or 6 flashing their lights
- they didn't just pull us over, they f-ing stopped traffic straight up and blocked the road off with their cars
- they weren't sitting in their cars, instead they were all position strategically outside with their weapons drawn
- by weapons, I don't mean pistols, I mean their freaking shotguns and M-freaking-16s :eek:
So this is when I realize, "huh... I... don't... think this is about my seatbelt."
Here's what allegedly happened:
While driving down the Los Angeles freeway, an anonymous citizen doing their civic duty reported to the police that there was a crazed gunman taking two people hostage in car traveling down 5S. The police coordinate and zero-in on the perp immediately.
you're probably thinking, "oh, mistaken identity- how funny..."
Yeah that would be funny if that were actually the case. The reality of the matter, however (which I think is MUCH funnier) is that it was not mistaken identity and that I in fact was the "crazed gunman".
Here's what REALLY happened:
As we were leaving on our way to the party, I noticed in Dennis' backseat a toy gun. Specifically, a toy pistol too small for my adult sized hands. So naturally, I began fiddling around with it.
Mind you, I had in fact already fiddled around with it the night before, having driven around with Dennis in his car. But this time I discovered how to actually open up the barrel to load the caps and everything and was messing around with it in an entirely new way.
So we're getting on the freeway, which is loaded with traffic, and I twirl the gun around like a bad@ss gunslinger, inadvertently "shooting" myself in the face numerous times. I joke around with Annette and Dennis in the front with the gun and it is fun times for all. This lasts seriously all of FIVE MINUTES. I put the gun down, we move on with our lives, making with the small talk and eventually with the Metallica.
I figure that this is around the time when our concerned citizen makes the call. Maybe it was the fact that traffic was so slow moving that it was a lot easier for people to see inside the car and see me with the gun? I don't know, but whatever the case was, I f-ed around with the toy gun, and half an hour later after the fact, we are the subjects of a f-ing police ambush. Funny, huh?
Here's how it all went down:
So we're sitting in the car with the CHP squad behind us, guns cocked and ready and pointed at us. They yell out of their bullhorns:
"EVERYONE IN THE CAR- PLACE YOUR HANDS ON THE ROOF OF THE VEHICLE!"
We comply. Then they say to Dennis:
"DRIVER- WITH YOUR LEFT HAND- LEFT HAND, LEFT HAND, LEFT HAND- TURN OFF YOUR IGNITION AND THROW THE KEYS OUT OF THE WINDOW WITH YOU LEFT HAND!"
And understand this: we all know that we didn't really do anything wrong and so we're all pretty much shrugging this whole thing off immediately- Dennis especially. In fact, he finds this whole situation so comical that he's actually giddy with the excitement of it all. He's all, "Oh wow. Are they talking to me?" So naturally, after hearing these instructions, Dennis begins to turn off the car and throw the keys out with his right hand. They yell at him so more, to which Dennis thinks, "WTF? Do they want me to get my keys and do it again? hahah" Then they instruct him:
"WITH YOU LEFT HAND- LEFT HAND, LEFT HAND- OPEN YOUR CAR DOOR FROM THE OUTSIDE AND STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!"
He complies, but then they start yelling at him to face forward, to which Dennis begins slowly rotating to face them which causes them to all yell at him more as he awkwardly starts to rotate in alternating directions while saying, "hahah wtf, which front are they talking about?"
It's at this point where me and Annette think, "ah sh*t. Dennis is going to probably get shot. Or beaten with billy clubs because he isn't taking this seriously," and really, he wasn't. They then make him take two steps away from the vehicle to which they then tell him to begin to proceed walking backwards towards them.
And this is where Dennis thinks its a good idea to shuffle his feet as he does this, such that he literally is MOONWALKING back to the cops. Needless to say the cops didn't think it was funny and began yelling at him:
"QUIT SCREWING AROUND! THIS IS F-ING SERIOUS!" all the while cocking their guns and tightening their grip on them. This is when Dennis realizes, "oh sh*t. This is a serious situation." That being the case, when they ask him to lift his shirt up and to rotate around to show he has no concealed weapons, he summarily sucks in his disgusting gut to seem more macho for the cops. OF. COURSE.
Then they do the standard, ON YOUR KNEES-CROSS YOUR ANKLES- RIGHT HAND BEHING YOUR BACK thing then cuff him, frisk him, and shove him in the back of a squad car while pointing shotguns at our faces. One by one, they do this to all of us, me being last, and each of us being stuck in a different car all together. I gotta tell you, handcuffs freaking hurt! And you think that it'd all be good sitting in a car with your hands behind your back, but shoot when you have those cuffs on tight, it really causes your arms to spasm. But of course the excitement of having several assualt rifles point at your face kind of makes you blind to this mild discomfort.
So now we're being straight up detained by the police and they get our IDs and contact info and find - of course- that we all have clean records. Then they individually ask Dennis and Annette what was going on. They're asking them stuff like "are you ok? were you harmed? what was going on in there?" and Dennis explains about the toy gun being a prop from a music video he had shot recently (further corroborated by the instruments in his truck) and that this was all a misunderstanding. This what Dennis told me after the fact. I, on the other hand, was not asked any questions whatsoever, because after all- I was the perp. I was holding them "hostage" so they didn't even bother asking me what was up. So I just sat in the car and took a nap. hahaha
After they got their stories straight and after they sufficiently made a mess of Dennis' car in their search process, every thing was all straightened out. Of course, however, they need to have us sit in their cars for like a nother 20-30 minutes before anything else happens, because really that's what cops do. Stand around. It was at this time that two things occurred:
1. we all sat in the car, excited as all heck over how awesome this was; so excited in fact that we each had different soundtracks playing in our heads of the whole affair (Mine was a AC/DC song because of how "RockStar-lifestyle" this all was, Dennis' was of course theme from COPS)
2. I overheard the cops who were just bumming around talking. They actually were genuinely disappointed that I was not a crazed gunman that they could assualt and shoot. They were all "Dang this sucks. We're F-ing 0-3 today. I was looking forward to some action."
I'm sorry I had to disappoint you officers by not losing my head and freaking bolting... but still this sentiment was funny to me all the same.
Then after sufficient time had passed (maybe they were making us just sit there as a mild form of punishment for this false alarm?), they let us go one by one, me being the first. And with me, before they let me go they MUST LECTURE ME like a freaking 3rd grader, so much so that really my only available recourse is to get all slouchy like a kid, hands in pockets, and say "sorry." It was kind of funny that way. The exchange went pretty much like this:
Let me get this straight: You are in your car driving down the 5 freeway in Los Angeles, with a toy gun, waving it around... here... in L-FREAKING-A?
"Uh.... yeah."
What the F made you think that waving a toy gun around in your car was a good idea?
At this point, I really didn't know what to say that didn't make me sound stupid, so I said the only thing that came to mind:
"Uh.... sorry officer. I didn't know I couldn't do that."
hhahah I seriously said that because really, it's a toy gun, inside the car, not pointed at anyone OUTSIDE the car... how was I supposed to think that this would be a problem? It's like that thing about being naked in a car- I don't see a problem with it. I'm not in public or anything so I don't see it as something to worry about. Buuuuut I guess I was wrong. hahaha
Well now you KNOW! You gotta be smarter than this kid (mind you this dude was probably like a YEAR OLDER THAN me at best) and think next time! You're in LA where there's a lot of gang crime in the streets and you're going down THIS PART OF THE FREEWAY waving this thing around. It doesn't matter if its a toy, BAD GUYS (yeah he seriously said "bad guys") paint their real guns with this orange ring to fool us! You gotta be careful with this kind of stuff. If you came out of that car with this thing and we thought you were a threat you'd be DEAD right now! Do you understand me?
"Uh... yes. Sorry."
And now you've just wasted tons of tax payer money, not to mention the time of all of these officers over your F-ing MONKEY BUSINESS (he seriously, said "monkey business")! Ok.... now go on back into your car. Get out of here, just get the F out of here.
And that was it. They let each of us go, said that we were lucky that the person who called it in didn't personally feel threated otherwise that would have constituted as a straight up misdemeanor and we'd all be in freaking jail... probably even now as I type this. It's only funny because it didn't happen that way! hahahah
So that was our brush with the law and handcuffs and shotguns. Even if I was totally stupid and got us into that situation (on accident of course!), I still apologized profusely to Dennis and Annette but luckily they are just the sort of people you want to get into this kind of misunderstanding with, mainly because we all got a kick out of it. Seriously, I think Dennis was really really REALLY happy to be able to say that he went through that. Actually, NO, I don't think he was happy, I KNOW he was happy because he kept talking about having the "real American experience".... truth be told, I feel fine about it because I take some measure of comfort knowing that there are people in LA who are doing their civic duty by reporting things like this to the police. Afterall, these dudes were just doing their job and I have no problem with that.
So I hope you all learned valuable lessons from our experience. I don't know what lesson that would be other than that now we're all Hard and Awesome. The only way that this would have been even more Hard or Badass if we got stopped on the freeway, where they would have held up traffice and choppers and sh*t would have came.... on second thought that's not good because we probably would have been thrown in jail just because of the gigantic disturbance that would have been caused....hahaha Dennis moonwalked... and I was the perp... hahaha :D
PS. this video has nothing to do with anything but its hella dope. Seriously. Watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHBVnMf2t7w
**Although some of you out there might think that I am prone to bit of exaggeration in my stories, I promise you that this is the clear and object honest truth of what transpired. It was so awesome I hardly need to exaggerate anything.**
It's this past Saturday around 2pm. I'm driving with my cousin Dennis and his girlfriend, Annette (who, if you don't know them, are two of the hardest people I know haha) to this party in Brea, CA. I'm riding along with Dennis and Annette, sitting behind Dennis the driver. We're cruising along the 5S, listening to Metallica, when we exit at Imperial HWY. Now there's this CHP car that is flashing their lights behind us and we automatically think "Oh, let's move over, they probably want to get past us." So we pull over. Then he pulls over. And then we realize that they were flashing their lights to actually pull us over.
At this point I'm thinking "SH*T. This is all my fault... I don't have my seatbelt on." So I apologize to Dennis and Annette and begin to slowly pull my seatbelt on. And this is about the point where I actually look behind us. Here's what I saw:
- not 1 CHP car, but 5 or 6 flashing their lights
- they didn't just pull us over, they f-ing stopped traffic straight up and blocked the road off with their cars
- they weren't sitting in their cars, instead they were all position strategically outside with their weapons drawn
- by weapons, I don't mean pistols, I mean their freaking shotguns and M-freaking-16s :eek:
So this is when I realize, "huh... I... don't... think this is about my seatbelt."
Here's what allegedly happened:
While driving down the Los Angeles freeway, an anonymous citizen doing their civic duty reported to the police that there was a crazed gunman taking two people hostage in car traveling down 5S. The police coordinate and zero-in on the perp immediately.
you're probably thinking, "oh, mistaken identity- how funny..."
Yeah that would be funny if that were actually the case. The reality of the matter, however (which I think is MUCH funnier) is that it was not mistaken identity and that I in fact was the "crazed gunman".
Here's what REALLY happened:
As we were leaving on our way to the party, I noticed in Dennis' backseat a toy gun. Specifically, a toy pistol too small for my adult sized hands. So naturally, I began fiddling around with it.
Mind you, I had in fact already fiddled around with it the night before, having driven around with Dennis in his car. But this time I discovered how to actually open up the barrel to load the caps and everything and was messing around with it in an entirely new way.
So we're getting on the freeway, which is loaded with traffic, and I twirl the gun around like a bad@ss gunslinger, inadvertently "shooting" myself in the face numerous times. I joke around with Annette and Dennis in the front with the gun and it is fun times for all. This lasts seriously all of FIVE MINUTES. I put the gun down, we move on with our lives, making with the small talk and eventually with the Metallica.
I figure that this is around the time when our concerned citizen makes the call. Maybe it was the fact that traffic was so slow moving that it was a lot easier for people to see inside the car and see me with the gun? I don't know, but whatever the case was, I f-ed around with the toy gun, and half an hour later after the fact, we are the subjects of a f-ing police ambush. Funny, huh?
Here's how it all went down:
So we're sitting in the car with the CHP squad behind us, guns cocked and ready and pointed at us. They yell out of their bullhorns:
"EVERYONE IN THE CAR- PLACE YOUR HANDS ON THE ROOF OF THE VEHICLE!"
We comply. Then they say to Dennis:
"DRIVER- WITH YOUR LEFT HAND- LEFT HAND, LEFT HAND, LEFT HAND- TURN OFF YOUR IGNITION AND THROW THE KEYS OUT OF THE WINDOW WITH YOU LEFT HAND!"
And understand this: we all know that we didn't really do anything wrong and so we're all pretty much shrugging this whole thing off immediately- Dennis especially. In fact, he finds this whole situation so comical that he's actually giddy with the excitement of it all. He's all, "Oh wow. Are they talking to me?" So naturally, after hearing these instructions, Dennis begins to turn off the car and throw the keys out with his right hand. They yell at him so more, to which Dennis thinks, "WTF? Do they want me to get my keys and do it again? hahah" Then they instruct him:
"WITH YOU LEFT HAND- LEFT HAND, LEFT HAND- OPEN YOUR CAR DOOR FROM THE OUTSIDE AND STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!"
He complies, but then they start yelling at him to face forward, to which Dennis begins slowly rotating to face them which causes them to all yell at him more as he awkwardly starts to rotate in alternating directions while saying, "hahah wtf, which front are they talking about?"
It's at this point where me and Annette think, "ah sh*t. Dennis is going to probably get shot. Or beaten with billy clubs because he isn't taking this seriously," and really, he wasn't. They then make him take two steps away from the vehicle to which they then tell him to begin to proceed walking backwards towards them.
And this is where Dennis thinks its a good idea to shuffle his feet as he does this, such that he literally is MOONWALKING back to the cops. Needless to say the cops didn't think it was funny and began yelling at him:
"QUIT SCREWING AROUND! THIS IS F-ING SERIOUS!" all the while cocking their guns and tightening their grip on them. This is when Dennis realizes, "oh sh*t. This is a serious situation." That being the case, when they ask him to lift his shirt up and to rotate around to show he has no concealed weapons, he summarily sucks in his disgusting gut to seem more macho for the cops. OF. COURSE.
Then they do the standard, ON YOUR KNEES-CROSS YOUR ANKLES- RIGHT HAND BEHING YOUR BACK thing then cuff him, frisk him, and shove him in the back of a squad car while pointing shotguns at our faces. One by one, they do this to all of us, me being last, and each of us being stuck in a different car all together. I gotta tell you, handcuffs freaking hurt! And you think that it'd all be good sitting in a car with your hands behind your back, but shoot when you have those cuffs on tight, it really causes your arms to spasm. But of course the excitement of having several assualt rifles point at your face kind of makes you blind to this mild discomfort.
So now we're being straight up detained by the police and they get our IDs and contact info and find - of course- that we all have clean records. Then they individually ask Dennis and Annette what was going on. They're asking them stuff like "are you ok? were you harmed? what was going on in there?" and Dennis explains about the toy gun being a prop from a music video he had shot recently (further corroborated by the instruments in his truck) and that this was all a misunderstanding. This what Dennis told me after the fact. I, on the other hand, was not asked any questions whatsoever, because after all- I was the perp. I was holding them "hostage" so they didn't even bother asking me what was up. So I just sat in the car and took a nap. hahaha
After they got their stories straight and after they sufficiently made a mess of Dennis' car in their search process, every thing was all straightened out. Of course, however, they need to have us sit in their cars for like a nother 20-30 minutes before anything else happens, because really that's what cops do. Stand around. It was at this time that two things occurred:
1. we all sat in the car, excited as all heck over how awesome this was; so excited in fact that we each had different soundtracks playing in our heads of the whole affair (Mine was a AC/DC song because of how "RockStar-lifestyle" this all was, Dennis' was of course theme from COPS)
2. I overheard the cops who were just bumming around talking. They actually were genuinely disappointed that I was not a crazed gunman that they could assualt and shoot. They were all "Dang this sucks. We're F-ing 0-3 today. I was looking forward to some action."
I'm sorry I had to disappoint you officers by not losing my head and freaking bolting... but still this sentiment was funny to me all the same.
Then after sufficient time had passed (maybe they were making us just sit there as a mild form of punishment for this false alarm?), they let us go one by one, me being the first. And with me, before they let me go they MUST LECTURE ME like a freaking 3rd grader, so much so that really my only available recourse is to get all slouchy like a kid, hands in pockets, and say "sorry." It was kind of funny that way. The exchange went pretty much like this:
Let me get this straight: You are in your car driving down the 5 freeway in Los Angeles, with a toy gun, waving it around... here... in L-FREAKING-A?
"Uh.... yeah."
What the F made you think that waving a toy gun around in your car was a good idea?
At this point, I really didn't know what to say that didn't make me sound stupid, so I said the only thing that came to mind:
"Uh.... sorry officer. I didn't know I couldn't do that."
hhahah I seriously said that because really, it's a toy gun, inside the car, not pointed at anyone OUTSIDE the car... how was I supposed to think that this would be a problem? It's like that thing about being naked in a car- I don't see a problem with it. I'm not in public or anything so I don't see it as something to worry about. Buuuuut I guess I was wrong. hahaha
Well now you KNOW! You gotta be smarter than this kid (mind you this dude was probably like a YEAR OLDER THAN me at best) and think next time! You're in LA where there's a lot of gang crime in the streets and you're going down THIS PART OF THE FREEWAY waving this thing around. It doesn't matter if its a toy, BAD GUYS (yeah he seriously said "bad guys") paint their real guns with this orange ring to fool us! You gotta be careful with this kind of stuff. If you came out of that car with this thing and we thought you were a threat you'd be DEAD right now! Do you understand me?
"Uh... yes. Sorry."
And now you've just wasted tons of tax payer money, not to mention the time of all of these officers over your F-ing MONKEY BUSINESS (he seriously, said "monkey business")! Ok.... now go on back into your car. Get out of here, just get the F out of here.
And that was it. They let each of us go, said that we were lucky that the person who called it in didn't personally feel threated otherwise that would have constituted as a straight up misdemeanor and we'd all be in freaking jail... probably even now as I type this. It's only funny because it didn't happen that way! hahahah
So that was our brush with the law and handcuffs and shotguns. Even if I was totally stupid and got us into that situation (on accident of course!), I still apologized profusely to Dennis and Annette but luckily they are just the sort of people you want to get into this kind of misunderstanding with, mainly because we all got a kick out of it. Seriously, I think Dennis was really really REALLY happy to be able to say that he went through that. Actually, NO, I don't think he was happy, I KNOW he was happy because he kept talking about having the "real American experience".... truth be told, I feel fine about it because I take some measure of comfort knowing that there are people in LA who are doing their civic duty by reporting things like this to the police. Afterall, these dudes were just doing their job and I have no problem with that.
So I hope you all learned valuable lessons from our experience. I don't know what lesson that would be other than that now we're all Hard and Awesome. The only way that this would have been even more Hard or Badass if we got stopped on the freeway, where they would have held up traffice and choppers and sh*t would have came.... on second thought that's not good because we probably would have been thrown in jail just because of the gigantic disturbance that would have been caused....hahaha Dennis moonwalked... and I was the perp... hahaha :D
PS. this video has nothing to do with anything but its hella dope. Seriously. Watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHBVnMf2t7w
