A Metal Flowchart

[FloodOne]

http://www.cracked.com/funny-201-metal-music/

How accurate does this look to you guys?

I would say pretty damn close to correct, except I like a few Nu-Metal bands. Korn, Slipknot... well, that's actually it for me.

[bmaninc]

Its funny how nu-metal is eliminated right off the bat.

[ffwarrior47]

hahaha, that was pretty funny.

i lol'd at the Nu-Metal thing :p

it's pretty accurate.

[DeadPhoenix223]

yep.

[Gowienczyk]

I can name several power metal songs that don't display lyricism about "dragons".

[CommonCriminal]

yep.

What?

[FloodOne]

I can name several power metal songs that don't display lyricism about "dragons".

Go poop on somebody else's party.

I can name Nu-Metal songs that don't suck, but instead I laughed at it.

You don't live too far from me, I'm coming to your house to bring you a sense of humor. ;)

[Onslaught_fei]

**** is way off, although funny. Doom Metal for example is thick, layered, and slow and has nothing to do with "evil". Folk Metal has songs about drinking beer and nothing to do with dragons. Just the tip of the iceberg but I understand this is not trying to be accurate.

[DeadPhoenix223]

What?

its good.

[ROCKBANDFANATIC7526]

I can name several power metal songs that don't display lyricism about "dragons".

Would "Metal Warriors" be one? :p

[FloodOne]

**** is way off, although funny. Doom Metal for example is thick, layered, and slow and has nothing to do with "evil". Folk Metal has songs about drinking beer and nothing to do with dragons. Just the tip of the iceberg but I understand this is not trying to be accurate.

At least one elitist has a sense of humor :D

[Gowienczyk]

In fact it's merely a misconception that power metal represents dragons and slaying them.

[Mystlyfe77]

I can name several power metal songs that don't display lyricism about "dragons".

Oh chill. It's cracked. It supposed to be overly generic and humorous.

[Gowienczyk]

:p

[seinman]

Here's a better explanation of the vast genre that is metal (in my opinion, at least): http://www.somethingawful.com/d/your-band-sucks/metal.php

[killer_roach]

Here's a better explanation of the vast genre that is metal (in my opinion, at least): http://www.somethingawful.com/d/your-band-sucks/metal.php

Snark is the first refuge of someone who wishes to dismiss what they cannot understand.

Granted, there's a lot of metal I really don't care for, but some sub-genres I actually quite enjoy (symphonic metal, prog metal, melodic death metal, stoner/sludge metal, some power metal, etc.).

[Baanu_Rass]

Here's a better explanation of the vast genre that is metal (in my opinion, at least): http://www.somethingawful.com/d/your-band-sucks/metal.php

I can't tell if that article is a joke or not, it is so ridiculous.


If you have even the smallest scrap of respect for any aspect of metal music, lyrics, fashion, or album cover art, you are so aesthetically stunted

Cover art?

[Soja]

This thread is going to attract all the br00tal metal kids that HAVE to classify everything into its distinct sub-genre in an OCD-induced rage.

Me, though. I laughed. I love Cracked.com. The drop-kick elimination of nu-metal made me laugh out loud, fo' realz.

C'mon, guys. This is satire. Stick out of ass, please.

EDIT: Lol! What inspired the "david lee roth sucks" tag?

[HeyRiles]

One of the tags makes me want to sing

Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol
Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol, ohhh
Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol
Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol
C-c-c-c-c-co-CAINEEEEE

[leftover_crack]

Stoner Metal: What happens when you and your friends get together to play Guitar Hero

lol

[Apples]

**** is way off, although funny. Doom Metal for example is thick, layered, and slow and has nothing to do with "evil". Folk Metal has songs about drinking beer and nothing to do with dragons. Just the tip of the iceberg but I understand this is not trying to be accurate.

Yeah, it seems more like funny stereotypes than accuracy, but worth a laugh IMO.

[metalhead27]

LOL Stovokor :D

[CHK10063764]

LOL nu metal.

That chart was pretty good.

[killer_roach]

Stoner Metal: What happens when you and your friends get together to play Guitar Hero

lol

I guess that's one less person to invite to a Clutch, Monster Magnet, or High on Fire concert... :)

[Oscar-Rio]

http://www.cracked.com/funny-201-metal-music/

How accurate does this look to you guys?

I would say pretty damn close to correct, except I like a few Nu-Metal bands. Korn, Slipknot... well, that's actually it for me.

that is totally stupid and based on one person's failed attempt at having a humourous opinion.

[FloodOne]

This thread is going to attract all the br00tal metal kids that HAVE to classify everything into its distinct sub-genre in an OCD-induced rage.

Me, though. I laughed. I love Cracked.com. The drop-kick elimination of nu-metal made me laugh out loud, fo' realz.

C'mon, guys. This is satire. Stick out of ass, please.

EDIT: Lol! What inspired the "david lee roth sucks" tag?


that is totally stupid and based on one person's failed attempt at having a humourous opinion.

You are such a buzzkill, it's not even close to funny. It makes me sad to think you might actually be that miserable in the real world too.

Lighten up nazi, it's just a joke. Have you never visited cracked.com before?

lol I don't like DLR, so I thought I would tag it so :D

[bermuddy]

metal genres is srs bsnss

[back_blows]

Pretty funny, although based on tired stereotypes.

[Wolfbeckett]

Haha I like this part the most:

"In the 1980s, Thrash, with its Big Four (Anthrax, Metallica, Megadeth and Slayer), brought the entire heavy metal phenomenon to the public's doorstep, then it set the public's doormat on fire and made a whicked guitar riff right in their face. The public tried calling the police but they were powerless against the extreme power of Thrash Metal."

Old thrash friggin' rules.