The first Harry Potter films were the best.
Potter and puberty don't mix well.
So there's a this "movie" that came out on DVD (and YouTube) last month called "Foodfight!" It's a kid's movie with Charlie Sheen playing a detective dog in a world where big-name food icons fight the Nazis. Well, they're not really Nazis but the resemblance is so blatant it isn't even funny.
So how could this go wrong?!?
Well, for a movie that's been over five years in the making, IT'S THE WORST PIECE OF S*** MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN! EVERY F***ING THING IS WRONG WITH THIS FILTHY, CORRODED GARBAGE! It is actually worse than Tentacolino. Yes, the movie with a dog and a gay fish fighting rats underwater with lazers is better than this film.
What isn't wrong here? The characters are all unlikable and bland. Most are actual racist stereotypes of the worst kind (a chocolate-themed squirrel with a Boston accent, buck teeth and the average black stereotype slang? Voice by a black man? F***ING REALLY???!!!!????).
The animation is horrendous. The editing makes no sense at all. There's a scene where someone takes a hold of another person, and in the very next shot they're feet apart. Did I say one scene? I mean EVERY F***ING SCENE!
This movie has enough innuendo to make Freddy Got Fingered look tame in comparison. And it's all really f***ing blunt. There's even things that look like innuendos that make no sense, like a woman raising her leg to make a shot that looks like a bunch of planes are coming out of her foxhole. I'm not even sure if this was made for kids, or if Charlie Sheen raided the place while on his "Tiger Blood/Adonis DNA" rampage and decided to take a project and make it a more blunt version of Code Monkeys. With food mascots.
And the plot is so asinine it hurts to even talk about. And if you look at the main romance (Charlie Sheen Dog in love with a cat) it's almost f***ing creepy. Especially when no characters are built up at all. They throw over fifty important characters at us (not even joking) and expect us to feel for each one. The closest thing that we get to character development is that Jim Crow the Squirrel can't do a loop-de-loop on an airplane, but does it at the end.
I just saw this on my YouTube homepage and just had to see what Charlie Sheen as a detective dog was all about. But it sure as hell takes the top place for me for worst film I've ever f***ing seen. The Smurfs? At least it has a plot! Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel? At least the lame references and the innuendos make sense. Tentecolino? At least it wasn't THIS PIECE OF F***ING D*** SUCKING S***!
Negative infinity divided by zero/10.
Addicted to bad movies since 2008
Killing Them Softly is sadly not a contender for anything.
Witt Witt Witt
Read Dead is a bad video game
Wait, why isn't Killing The Softly a contender?
I'm still catching up on movies I've missed this year, but I gotta say Skyfall, Batman, Spiderman, Avengers, Looper, Cabin in the Woods etc... yeah they're good popcorn movies and made a buncha money, but they're not the best films of the year.
If someone asks you where to find the best chicken in town ya dont direct em to KFC. Don't get me wrong, I love KFC, but its not gonna win any awards. Oh and of the above mentioned popcorn movies, Avengers was easily the least enjoyable (and i've seen all the standalones leading up to it). So poorly paced, such forced action and just not funny. Batman was done well for the most part but they made the twist too obvious. This Spiderman reboot has my approval, Andy Garfield craps all over Tobey Maguire.
Edit: Oh and Promethius, Brave and Hunger Games all dissapointed in different ways too, I wouldn't even put them on the list of enjoyable popcorn films that are entertaining, they all were just kinda lame. Pity they all happened to have female leads. I can assure that the biggest problem of each one was the writing.
It seemed like nothing happened in Brave, there was no sense of adventure and the mother/daughter stuff was weridly resloved, not to mention the terrible brother characters and one dimensional father. Hunger Games seemed all over the place, I dunno if it was more enjoyablke if you've read the books but I found the setting weird, the game itself confusing and was constantly annoyed with odd twists and 3d dogs monsters somehow being real? I dont know where all the money went on that film because the epic audience filled scene just fell flat, the production value over all looked like they were strugling for cash. Promethius was just filled with too many problems to get into, there's a million rants online, I don't need to add another
Guitar Covers Channel: www.youtube.com/user/MysticGuitar77
Witt Witt Witt
Read Dead is a bad video game