How Is This Script I Wrote?

[Crackerdamus101]

For drama club at school, we have to do a 72 hour film festival thing where we only have 3 days to make a movie. Each group was a assigned a particular genre, our genre was drama So i had to write the script for my group tonight, I am also going to be directing, editing, and doing the cinematography. The movie is only going to be 7-8 minutes long. I am shooting this tomorrow with my friends. What do you guys think?
*The Movie Takes Place in Caen, France, But Is Being Shot In Lockport, New York.*
**When I pasted It In Here, It got All Goofed Up, Sorry**
***There Are Places Where I Could Put A LOT More Detail, But I Wrote It In Mind Of My Group's Budget, Which Is Practically Nothing.***
****Thanks For Reading!****
*****Sorry Again For How It Looks Here, If You Want To Read A Version That Is Easier On The Eyes, Go Here: http://pastebin.com/m670bbb46 *****


We see the title credits over various shots of scenery. We can hear music in the background containing a simple piece from an acoustic guitar, then moving into tones from a string ensemble.



CUT TO:



1 INT. KITCHEN - MORNING 1



We see three individuals in the kitchen. It's a casual

setting as we see a FATHER and his SON eating breakfast at

their table, while the father's WIFE is looking on, and

observing, while sweeping with a broom. There is soft music

playing in the background, consisting of piano, setting the

mood. The wife gives a sigh of relief, as she is done with

her cleaning duties. She turns towards the table and grabs

the now empty dining plates and sets them firmly in the

kitchen sink, sounding a clang. After this, she then makes

her way to the table and addresses her son.



WIFE

(warmly)

So, MICHAEL, have you given any

thought as to what you want for

your birthday this year?



MICHAEL

(non-enthusias

tically)

Oh, no. I haven't. I haven't

really given much thought to it

lately...



WIFE

(in surprise)

Oh, well your father has told me

that MR. LAMBERT down at the

local shop can give us a great

deal on a very nice pair of shoes

that he just put up for sale.

Would you like a nice new pair of

shoes?



MICHAEL

(in agreement)

Yes, I would like that very much.



The wife pulls out a chair and sits down to join her son and

husband. She exhales in discontent while turning to her

husband.



WIFE

I was with BRIGITTE last Tuesday

when you were off at work, and,

we took a look at some old

paintings of the French

countryside that were painted by

her uncle. The landscapes were so

colorful and vibrant and full of

life! It reminded me of how great

things used to be and how

different things now... We now

live on a bleak canvas, PETER! It

just makes me sick to think of

what this war has done to our

once beautiful country...



PETER

When you say it like that, it

sounds like poetry.



Peter reaches his hand across the table and places it on top

of his wife's.



PETER

Don't worry Camilla, all we have

to do is wait for this whole

thing to blow over. Then it will

be like it used to, the way we

all liked it. It will all be over

soon...



We see Michael get up from his chair.



MICHAEL

May I be excused?



His mother turns to him.



CAMILLA

Yes, you may.



We see Michael leave the table and we then see him ascend a

set of stairs, leaving sight.



CUT TO:



2 INT. MICHAEL'S ROOM - MORNING 2



We see Michael sitting in silence on his bed, possibly

thinking of what to do with his day. We hear shouts from

outside, both German and English, as well as gunfire.

Michael gets up from his bed and walks slowly towards his

window. He props his head in front of it to get a glimpse

of what is happening outside.



CUT TO:



3 EXT. OUTSIDE MICHAEL'S HOME - MORNING 3



We see one BRITISH SOLDIER waging battle against two GERMAN

SOLDIERS. The British soldier fires a couple of shots from

his rifle, missing his targets. We see the British soldier,

lunge a grenade towards the German soldiers. The grenade

lands right near Michael's home where his kitchen would be.



CUT TO:



4 INT. MICHAEL'S ROOM - MORNING 4



We hear the grenade go off with full force. The force of the

grenade is palpable to Michael, as it has just gone off

right outside the kitchen in his house. With the force and

sound of the grenade, Michael's body jumps in response.



CUT TO:



5 EXT. OUTSIDE MICHAEL'S HOME - MORNING 5



We see that the launch of the grenade was partly successful

on the British soldier's behalf. We see one of the two

German soldiers crumpled down on the ground motionlessly

and lifelessly, while the other is crawling away, injured

but alive. The British soldier responds to the injured

soldier by aiming his rifle and firing a shot. The shot is

successful, and the German soldier slumps over. The shot

was not fatal, however. The British Soldier notices this

and starts to walk over to the injured soldier with rifle

in hand. Once he arrives at the German soldiers' body, he

aims his rifle at the soldier again and fires at

point-blank. The German soldier is now dead. We now see the

British soldier making his way to the house that has just

been inadvertently blasted by the grenade.



CUT TO:



6 INT. MICHAEL'S ROOM - MORNING 6



Michael quickly looks away from the window. We now see him

run and exit his room.



CUT TO:



7 INT. MICHAEL'S HOME'S STAIRS - MORNING 7



We see a shot of and upset Michael rushing down his stairs

to check on his parents.



CUT TO:



8 INT. KITCHEN - MORNING 8



We see Michael enter the kitchen. We then see the lifeless

bodies of Peter and Camila beside their tipped over chairs

and other debris. Michael is both shocked and very upset.

We see the shock in Michael's face, as his face is blank

with wide-open eyes.



MICHAEL

(saddened)

No!



We now hear foot steps, presumably of the British soldier.

Michael hears the foot steps and immediately exits the

kitchen.



CUT TO:



9 INT. MICHAEL'S HOME'S STAIRS - MORNING 9



We see a shot of an even more upset and scared Michael

running up his stairs.



CUT TO:



10 INT. MICHAEL'S HOME'S UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - MORNING 10



We see a shot of Michael, in rush, make his way to his

parents' bedroom.



CUT TO:



11 INT. MICHAEL'S PARENTS' ROOM - MORNING 11



We see Michael enter in haste. He makes his way to his

parents' closet. Once there, he opens it. From inside the

closet, we see Michael pull out a handgun that once

belonged to his now deceased father. He now exits the room.



CUT TO:



12 INT. MICHAEL'S HOME'S UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - MORNING 12



We now see a shot of Michael run to his bedroom.



CUT TO:



13 INT.MICHAEL'S ROOM - MORNING 13



We see Michael run in to his room. He hides under his bed

with pistol in hand. Michael is obviously scared, as his

breathing starts to rapidly increase, with more weight each

time. We hear ascending footsteps from the stairs outside

the room. With the sounding of these steps, we see Michael

firmly grip his father's pistol. The loudness of the steps

gradually increases until we finally see the feet of the

British soldier from Michael's point of view in the

entrance of Michael's room. We see the British soldier

enter the room. The British soldier briefly scans the room,

scrutinizing various objects. We then see him look outside

the window.



CUT TO:



14 EXT. OUTSIDE MICHAEL'S HOME - MORNING 14



We see a quick shot of the two deceased British soldiers

slumped over on the ground.



CUT TO:



15 INT. MICHAEL'S ROOM - MORNING 15



We see the British soldier turning away from the window. He

then looks over at the bed within the room. From Michael's

point of view, we see the soldier's legs, as well as his

rifle dangling at his side. When Michael sees the rifle he

gets scared and accidentally breaths in loudly. The British

soldier notices this and kneels beside the bed. With the

sight of this, Michael props the pistol in the soldier's

direction. We now see the British soldier remove his helmet

and prop it on the ground. He then places his head on the

floor to get a glimpse of what's under the bed. When he

does this, we hear a gun shot coming from underneath the

bed. At the sounding of this gun shot, we see the British

soldier slump over in death on the floor. In this instance,

Michael gets out from under the bed and drops his late

father's pistol in disgust. We now see him exit his room.



CUT TO:



16 INT. MICHAEL'S HOME'S STAIRS - MORNING 16



We see a shot of Michael running down the stairs.



CUT TO:



17 INT. KITCHEN - MORNING 17



We see Michael run into the kitchen. He makes his way to his

mother's corpse and he falls beside her in sorrow. Tears are

rolling down his face. He looks down at his deceased mother

and sees a necklace on her neck. He takes the necklace off

from his mother's neck stairs at it in his palm for a

moment. We then see his head bob down in sorrow. The CAMERA

pans out with this image in frame.



CUT TO BLACK:



We see a quote on screen. The quote says: "War does not

determine who is right - only who is left." ~ Bertrand

Russel



We now see the closing credits with the soft music in the

background.



END.

[peachtosser25]

hm, I think its alright. minor improvements needed here and there but alright.

I think that if you got rid of the double spacing people would read it.. but then it'd be a wall of text..

[ZOMG_A_RANCOR]

Where are the trolls and night elfs? Lame story.

[ZOMG_A_RANCOR]

Seriously though, what is it with art kids thinking they know stuff and/or are deep and intimate and crap? Did your parents die in a war? Hell, is your country currently in a war on your homeland that affects you terribly?

No?

Ok, choose a different topic then please. Something you can, you know, relate to.

Pretty sure Schindlers List wouldnt have been half as awesome if it wasnt for the Super Jew, Spielberg. See what im getting at. Connection. Thats what you need.

[Eerif]

Freeze! Agent Michael Scarn! BOOM BOOM BOOM

[Tsavo]

Ok, choose a different topic then please. Something you can, you know, relate to.

I can agree war-related stories, particularly WWII, are a bit overdone. But, you'd rather hear a short about teen social problems? Enjoy that play/short.

To OP, I like how you're at least not doing the whole Germans (not Nazis, but Germans)=bad stereotype. Hopefully, you can sync up some good sound effects for the guns or else those scenes could turn really cheesy.

[ZOMG_A_RANCOR]

I can agree war-related stories, particularly WWII, are a bit overdone. But, you'd rather hear a short about teen social problems? Enjoy that play/short.

At least it would actually have truth behind it. I mean, dude is young, and the only war experience he prolly has is COD:MW and/or W@W. The whole painting line is kinda...lame? Feels forced. I dont know, i just dont understand the point of TRYING to make something good. Its not that it doesnt take effort...its that...if it is forced, it FEELS forced. Oh, and the setting is france?

I mean, not doubting he may have been there, but...you know. If not...experience!

I dont know, i guess, it was something i learned to hard way. When in my film courses, there was a book, it was like, the indie kids guide to survival. It taught you about dumpster diving and such. Indie kid i was(am, ifyou want to label...) but im not a dumpster diving vagabond type. So i tried to make this book into a short film, and it came out like rubbish. Not because the camera/acting was bad, but because it lacked the intensity and honesty of experience.

Thats all for my rant.

[Tsavo]

I do get what you're saying ultimately. I guess I'm just thinking about the other side of when people do what they're familiar with and its terribly boring/ridiculous (I worked at Avid Technologies for a long time and I've seen plenty of crap left on those HDDs). There's certainly a middle ground to be had for a good short.