Witticus's Storybook of Awesome

[Witticus]

Chiprent stood overlooking the river with a tub of cement mix, a noose, and a pistol. "I'll show you spirit, I'll show you" he said as he inched himself over with cement on his feet." He jumped into the noose pulled the trigger missed and shot the rope. The cement hadn't settled yet so he simply was pushed around by the 4 foot high water until he landed underneath a bridge where GeeNeF fished him out. And then proceeded to throw more rocks at him until Chiprent wandered cold and wet back to his hotel.

[Witticus]

"Why is suicide so hard!?" Chiprent yelled angrily in the lobby as a bored hotel lobby worker gazed up shook their head and looked back down at the magazine. He got back into his room and decided to watch television until he came up with a better solution. He started to write in his diary on a fresh page but saw someone had written something on one of the pages. "Livhovodo the soul collector- 555-4545" it read next to a cigarette burn and and a coffee stain ring. "It's a sign from Unklewittiky!!!" Chiprent said to himself with glee as he called the number.

[Witticus]

Chiprent stood excitedly in front of his house as a man in a pitch black suit and top hat stepped out of a nearby carriage. "So you're having trouble with a spirit kid?" Livhovodo asked seeing Chiprent bounce with anticipation. "Yeah it hides in my cereal and calls me names" Chiprent said. Livhovodo looked at Chiprent awkwardly as they walked inside a destroyed house. "This did a lot of damage for what I thought was a Class 1 Cereal Box Spirit" Livhovodo said uneasily. "Nah that was just me when I was panicking because I couldn't find my diary." Chiprent explained.

[jibjqrkl]

hehehe

[Witticus]

Livhovodo walked into the kitchen and two seconds later emerged with a mason jar filled with what looked like glowing red goo with googly eyes. "All done, good thing we caught this little guy soon, he was about ready to split and become stronger." Livhovodo said as his phone began to ring. Livhovodo walked outside "Mic! You need my help right away, that doesn't sound good, I'll be there as soon as I can." He walked back in to the house where Chiprent was tapping on the glass annoying the spirit. "I've got to go take care of serious business, hold onto that spirit jar till I get back and I'll dispose of him properly, here's a list of do not's while I'm gone," Livhovodo said as he ran out the door.

[jibjqrkl]

something tells me this won't end well

[Witticus]

"#1 Keep away from virgin blood, good thing I had a girlfriend once"
"#2 Do not feed it compliments, but its so cute!"
"#3 Do not let it know your name, why can't it know I'm Chiprent, everybody knows me?"
"#4 Do not feed olives, ok I'll feed it carrots instead *opens jar*"
"#5 Do not open jar, oh crap!!!"

[Witticus]

Chiprent tried stuffing the spirit back in the jar but it was now twice its size. "Do you like Aaron Carter" "My favorite movie is The Edge" "How do you make a poll?" it rabbled as he tried to stuff it back in. Chiprent looked around for a bucket and ran down to find one in Unklewittiky's old room. He came back up the stairs with a glowing bucket and dumped the spirit into it. "Jacuzzi, jacuzzi, Alice Cooper, jacuzzi!!!" it shouted to itself as it pulsated with colors from the bucket. He then picked up the bucket and ran outside.

[Witticus]

He placed the bucket by the grocery store and ran inside to buy as many mason jars as he could, but found out they old served sauce in mason jars. Chiprent bought all the sauce and dumped them out and put all the spirit into bits of the jars. By the time he was done he had several hundred jars sitting by the grocery store. "What do you mean you're out of sauce, how can I finish my 3rd sandwich" an obnoxiously loud fat man yelled from within the store. He walked outside with the sandwich and saw Chiprent and the jars. "Let me try this stuff," the fat man said as he grabbed a jar while Chiprent was busy loading up more containers not paying attention. The man poured it on his sandwich and bit into it as he pulsated through the air after consuming.

[Witticus]

"This stuff is amazing" yelled the man as he floated through the air," I'll buy 12!!!" He then through Chiprent a large wad of cash as a crowd of people lined up to buy the spirit sauce. Chiprent still not paying attention because he had a text message from the Nigerian Prince in his contacts didn't notice the giant pile of money that soon replaced his jars. Before he knew it, all he was left with was money and two jars that held the eyes of the spirit.