Sorry, I just have to clear up one more thing.

[Bulzeeb]

I've been thinking about everything that I stood for recently, and due to my somewhat submissive and indecisive nature, gave in to a suggestion I now realize wasn't true at all. But on to the point... I came across this article after trying to analyze my own "wrongdoings."

The Good Guy Myth

I'll admit for me it's hard to not believe at least a bit of every comment left as a reply to the piece. But I still wanted to share my own bit and why I no longer feel guilty over what I was doing...


I keep seeing the notion that Nice Guys are in the end no different from disrespectful, lustful guys. That just because they do nice things mean they're expecting some reward for it, not because it's the right thing to do.

I get angry when I see Nice Guys being labeled as sneaky, and disrespectful, because "all they care about is sex, just like every other guy."

Really? First off, as a guy, I'm not going to deny that sex is on our minds A LOT. Yes, sex or just masturbating for the release is an awesome feeling. But, we ARE capable of feeling something more than just sexual ecstasy.

Seeing women claim all Nice Guys are slime in the end is an interesting paradox. They say the term "Friend Zone" is a pitiful term we spout out because we'll never get to have sex with a person we wanted to consider more than a friend. That we treat their friendship with us as a participation award and getting in their pants as the grand prize. This is all wrong for the following reason:

"We're only in it for the sex"

This breaks down once you realize that we can try for sex with one of the other millions upon millions of women in the world. If sex is all we care about, we don't have a reason to be angry or sad that Girl #1 didn't want to because there are so many others to choose from. Guys only looking for a meat puppet for their hungry co** will simply move on to another one. No big deal. If "all Nice Guys are in it for same thing but with a prettier approach," why don't they cut their losses and look elsewhere for their easy fun as soon as they are rejected? Nice Guys stick around with who they were rejected with because they built up an actual fondness for that unique person, because guess what, we're human beings with feelings for attachment and a desire to be loved too. There will never be a replica of that girl they wanted to share something special with, and that girl whom they grew so close to will never feel the same way about them.

It doesn't make sense for them NOT to feel some level of disappointment, anger, or sadness, because they didn't merely lose a vagina to screw, they lost a unique individual who they wanted to share a deeper connection with.

The Nice Guys that lost a person to care about and not just another bedroom romp partner are the ones that are publicly expressing their rejection and frustration. Why? Because they actually lost something that isn't as easy to replace as a sexually stimulating body part that's given to half the population of the world.

Here's an interesting fact about me:

Of all the girls I've met and truly cared about, I've never been able to masturbate to them. At first I thought it was strange. Could I not love them like that if given the actual chance? No, but they were still the only ones where the guilty feelings that tend to follow the action came before I could. Why is that? I know. Because I really did care about them more than making them an object of fantasy or just lustful desire and my body responded accordingly by not being aroused at such personal thoughts.

I'm no monk that's devoid of impurity, but I still cannot, both physically or mentally, get off on my own to the ones I deeply care about.

THAT'S how I know I'm something more than just some fake nice person. I'm nice because it's how I was raised. I'm nice to these girls because I want to share something more important than a physiological need for sex. I'm nice because it's who... I... am. No one's going to change my mind on that and I'm not about to throw that away to try and be stuck up. Someone will come along that will appreciate me for who I am. I know it's not now, tomorrow, or soon, but it will happen. That I'm sure of.

I'm not trying to cast myself out as someone special, but when a "nice guy" is shot down and expressing his sorrow, at least consider what I've said as a possibility. It's actually sad that such a notion of "they care about her" has to be reminded of being an actual possibility.

[jibjqrkl]

first off, it looks to me like you're overthinking a lot of things. (in general i mean)
just seems that way to me, could be wrong.

i have 1 question for you though. are you as open and talking in as much detail IRL as you are here? Because what i can tell from your posts, is that you really are a great guy. And if you don't act like this in real life, then maybe you need to try to be more like this.

[Bulzeeb]

The big difference between me speaking here and me speaking out in the world is room for time. I'm not quick on my feet when speaking, so I either fumble with what I'm trying to say, or I just don't say anything at all. I enjoy being able to think about what I'm going to say instead of the 2 second window to respond when talking to someone normally, in which case, sometimes I say things I don't have an opportunity to think about, which can be disastrous. Even when there's an obvious thing for me to say that's appropriate for the situation, it tends to fly over or under my head as I scramble and over think what I should say.

The OP of this thread took me an hour to get out, and around 80% was a copy paste from just some writing I was doing last night. I guess my horrible speaking skills in real life is why a vast majority of my socializing is through forums. It's also probably why I enjoy the Speech skill in Skyrim, since it presents easy opportunities for control of a situation with just a few words. Most of the Persuade checks dialogue I would never even think of saying if the scenario was real, despite most of them being incredibly obvious answers requiring only a small amount of logic and common sense.

[DerLindwurm]

The Good Guy Myth

There's some truth in that, definitely. People aren't necessarily as nice as they give themselves credit for when there are lots of ulterior motives behind the nice things they do. And it's not that being nice counts against you so much as that "niceness" doesn't have much to do with it. But, as usual, way, way over-analyzing.

[Cipher_Peon]

Didn't read after the sentence where you said you read an article on blahdy blahdy blah.

Stop reading those articles. Stop worrying so damn much about analyzing your life. Care about what YOU have to think about yourself, not some random article that's only going to make you worry even more.

The problem with lots of "nice guys" I know is that they're almost always on a high horse about their niceness. I used to be one of them. But the thing is, you need to accept that you're a human which means you have human flaws and that's ok.

Nice guys ARE in it for the same reason "dicks" are in it, at the end of the day to get a girl and spend the rest of their life with them. And guess what? Nice guys at the end of the day DO want to have sex just like almost every other human being on this earth. Denying sexuality is denying one part that makes you human, and you should embrace sex even if you are a nice guy because it's what makes you who you are. It doesn't make you less nice if you would like to have sex with a girl. I consider myself one pretty kind dude, and I used to be just like you: conflicted over the fact that sex makes girls objects and blah blah blah. There's only one thing I can tell you: get over it.

Do I consider myself a "Nice Guy"? Sure, why not. Do I get friendzoned? Of course I do. Do I think it's wrong to look at a girl and have a desire to have sex with her? Nope.

The thing about MEANINGFUL consensual sex is that it is a celebration of mutual attraction based on a variety of factors. The physical drive for sex plays very little when both parties are genuinely interested in celebrating what makes humanity's core with another human being. Sex is only objectification if you make it out to be, which is what "Nice Guys" normally don't do. Many of them confuse their wanting to be meaningful with just plain wanting to hit it and quit it, which is obviously not the case.

All I can tell you is stop reading those articles and to not reject sex as part of your humanity. Rejecting what makes you human can only lead to bad things.

[Bulzeeb]

Cipher, if you took the time to read what I wrote, you'd know I wasn't denying my sexuality at all. My main point is simply addressing the contradiction of mourning the loss of merely a sex partner. If that's all nice guys care about, they wouldn't have a reason to harbor such negative emotions since they have a billion other chances.

[atalkingfish]

First off, as a guy, I'm not going to deny that sex is on our minds A LOT. Yes, sex or just masturbating for the release is an awesome feeling. But, we ARE capable of feeling something more than just sexual ecstasy.

This isn't fair. To put this assumption out there that all guys always think about sex isn't fair to guys because it's not necessarily true.

[Bulzeeb]

A Lot =/= Always

[Hogan2000]

Hey Bulzeeb

I'm a nice guy because that's how I was raised. My momma taught me to respect girls and do the right thing. I don't expect an award out or it or sex if you will. Sex isn't important to me at all and before i was married it would drive a girl crazy because I wasn't interested in that..

Now I'm not going to deny if I go out to a store and see a girl in shorty shorts and in a tank top the temptation is in my mind to see her naked.. That's just a guys natrual way of thinking and sometimes the same way with a girl.

Now that I've matured a little bit sex isn't the same as when I was 16. When I was younger sex was all I thought about.

But I'm a nice guy because I want to be not for the sex. Most people hate it and some people love it. People at work get on to me all the time because I call girls mam and guys sir. No matter what age they are but that's how I was raised. I read the other day that girls like a little bad boy in their guy. Well I'm here to tell you some girls don't like bad boys because I'm married to one who doesn't.
I'm a good guy and I'm not ashamed to admit it to anyone and if anyone thinks I'm being nice for the sex, needs to have their head examined.

Thanks for reading
Charlie

[atalkingfish]

A Lot =/= Always

That's not the generalization I'm annoyed at. I'm sure some guys think about sex a lot. I'm sure some guys always think about sex. But not every guy. Some guys aren't perverts and are satisfied living life without the constant weigh-down of lust.