I've been thinking about everything that I stood for recently, and due to my somewhat submissive and indecisive nature, gave in to a suggestion I now realize wasn't true at all. But on to the point... I came across this article after trying to analyze my own "wrongdoings."
The Good Guy Myth
I'll admit for me it's hard to not believe at least a bit of every comment left as a reply to the piece. But I still wanted to share my own bit and why I no longer feel guilty over what I was doing...
I keep seeing the notion that Nice Guys are in the end no different from disrespectful, lustful guys. That just because they do nice things mean they're expecting some reward for it, not because it's the right thing to do.
I get angry when I see Nice Guys being labeled as sneaky, and disrespectful, because "all they care about is sex, just like every other guy."
Really? First off, as a guy, I'm not going to deny that sex is on our minds A LOT. Yes, sex or just masturbating for the release is an awesome feeling. But, we ARE capable of feeling something more than just sexual ecstasy.
Seeing women claim all Nice Guys are slime in the end is an interesting paradox. They say the term "Friend Zone" is a pitiful term we spout out because we'll never get to have sex with a person we wanted to consider more than a friend. That we treat their friendship with us as a participation award and getting in their pants as the grand prize. This is all wrong for the following reason:
"We're only in it for the sex"
This breaks down once you realize that we can try for sex with one of the other millions upon millions of women in the world. If sex is all we care about, we don't have a reason to be angry or sad that Girl #1 didn't want to because there are so many others to choose from. Guys only looking for a meat puppet for their hungry co** will simply move on to another one. No big deal. If "all Nice Guys are in it for same thing but with a prettier approach," why don't they cut their losses and look elsewhere for their easy fun as soon as they are rejected? Nice Guys stick around with who they were rejected with because they built up an actual fondness for that unique person, because guess what, we're human beings with feelings for attachment and a desire to be loved too. There will never be a replica of that girl they wanted to share something special with, and that girl whom they grew so close to will never feel the same way about them.
It doesn't make sense for them NOT to feel some level of disappointment, anger, or sadness, because they didn't merely lose a vagina to screw, they lost a unique individual who they wanted to share a deeper connection with.
The Nice Guys that lost a person to care about and not just another bedroom romp partner are the ones that are publicly expressing their rejection and frustration. Why? Because they actually lost something that isn't as easy to replace as a sexually stimulating body part that's given to half the population of the world.
Here's an interesting fact about me:
Of all the girls I've met and truly cared about, I've never been able to masturbate to them. At first I thought it was strange. Could I not love them like that if given the actual chance? No, but they were still the only ones where the guilty feelings that tend to follow the action came before I could. Why is that? I know. Because I really did care about them more than making them an object of fantasy or just lustful desire and my body responded accordingly by not being aroused at such personal thoughts.
I'm no monk that's devoid of impurity, but I still cannot, both physically or mentally, get off on my own to the ones I deeply care about.
THAT'S how I know I'm something more than just some fake nice person. I'm nice because it's how I was raised. I'm nice to these girls because I want to share something more important than a physiological need for sex. I'm nice because it's who... I... am. No one's going to change my mind on that and I'm not about to throw that away to try and be stuck up. Someone will come along that will appreciate me for who I am. I know it's not now, tomorrow, or soon, but it will happen. That I'm sure of.
I'm not trying to cast myself out as someone special, but when a "nice guy" is shot down and expressing his sorrow, at least consider what I've said as a possibility. It's actually sad that such a notion of "they care about her" has to be reminded of being an actual possibility.