Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2
I mean, what did you expect? Aside from bad acting and hokey (even downright creepy) plot points, all of these films suffer from really bad pacing. Breaking Dawn Part 2 pretends to have an overarching story, but each scene is a random event loosely tied to the next that tries to add up to a climax. And to its credit, unlike Eclipse, it almost does.
There's a big fight scene towards the end of the film, and it is pretty well done. The scale is there, you can see lots of people running around and hitting each other, and it's all very melodramatic and exciting. But (and this is a SPOILER WARNING but no one cares because this is Twilight), the fight turns out to be a false premonition, making the moment one of the worst ****teases in cinema history.
Then the film turns around and pulls the worst use of Chekov's smoking gun to reach a lovey dovey, happy sappy conclusion. It tries to end with the message that Edward and Bella lived happily ever after forever and ever, but then I realised something: the chemistry between the two hasn't just been bad...it's been really bad. The entire conceit of this franchise has been romance, but ****. **** **** ****. There just isn't any. There wasn't any. It seems like something I should have realised earlier, and I did, but...wow. They show you a montage at the end, of a lot of the franchise's "touching moments" and it's just too telling. Thank God this franchise is over.
Oh wait, there was one more hilarious bit. Ed and Bella get a new house, and he's showing off the bed, and then she says "But vampires don't sleep" (No, I don't know where that came from either. They pull a lot of new mythology out of their ass for this one). To which Edward replies, "This bed's not for sleeping". And then they sex! Wonderfully dumb. Although I must admit, Robert Pattison looked a bit...distracting...in that scene.
And that, unfortunately and to my eternal shame, means that I have cleared the entire Twilight saga. None of these films are good, but in order from best to worst:
New Moon (Pure sequel bait, but at least the jumps between different plot threads means the film didn't have any time to mess them up...I guess?)
Breaking Dawn Part 2 (That fight scene, man. It almost made it worth watching.)
Eclipse (All the build-up, all the hype for a pissy little fight. But one scene between Edward and Jacob was surprisingly dramatic.)
Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Sssssslllllloooooowwwwww.)
Twilight (Simply put, one of the worst travesties ever put to celluloid.)