AliceAndTwoTeenagers’s Profile

Why do we measure ice cream
by the gallon and ice by the pound? I mean, water is measured in gallons
and all ice is is frozen water. Milk is measured in gallons and ice
cream is (basically) frozen milk.



Okay, so looking this up on
wikipedia for a whopping 3 minutes, I'm guessing that it's because ice is
measured by it's mass, and a gallon is really short for the term 'liquid
gallon'. There's a 'dry gallon', but the definition of it invloved the word
'bushel' so I stopped reading. A few caveats about my answer: a) There was a
note at the top of the wikipedia page that said "This article may require
cleanup to meet Wikipedia's quality standards". b) I totally failed
chemistry/physics (don't remember which one I took) in high school.

 



Also, why do people say
"It's all good"? Surely, they must know that that isn't true.





Let me tell you something. I
love lying. I do. I like lying if it lets me say something that makes other
people feel better. People like you when you make them feel better. I also like
lying if it makes people think I'm in charge. I should be a doctor. "Alright
Mister Smith, it looks like you're immortal. Pay me a gazoolion dollars. No,
I'm sorry, your insurance doesn't cover the kind of medicine I practice in.
Yes, I understand that I'm your PCP, but I'm an athanasia specialist. I can
take that diagnosis back. Well duh you won't be immortal anymore. If your
insurance covered this, then everyone would be in here. Look, don't tell anyone
that you come here. Just pay me the money, take your diagnosis and go. Once
your check clears, I'll make sure that your kids get back home safe. There
won't be a scratch on them, I promise. I know you didn't mean to get all
tangled up in this, so go home, make yourself some tea or something, have a
cookie and go to bed. No worries. It's all good."

 





Who would make a better band
member, Walken or Harvey Keitel?



Go to YouTube and do a search on Walken dancing:







Go to YouTube and do a searing of Keitel dancing:

I think it's a tie.

 







What's the dumbest thing
you've ever done for music?



I sang a jingle.



For the record: jingles are
awesome. They can get you a ton of exposure. But if you want to be a singer and
you're asked to perform places, people will have to introduce you. If you're
pretty unknown, the people introducing you have to mention the thing that's the
most successful thing that you've done. You know, so people aren't like, "who's
this clown?" You never want to be introduced as the girl who sang that jingle.
You can't shake it. You're the jingle girl for the rest of your life.



I guess I'm just a little
sore because 7 years later, it's still the most impressive thing I've ever
done.



(Call 1-800-East-West. If
you HAVE to know. Yeah,.)

Friday, September 14, 2007

 



Why don't some Americans know where North
America is?



"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so
because uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe
that our education like such as South Africa and uh, the Iraq everywhere like
such and I believe that they should our education over here!"



... Yeah sorry, I can't do this. The poor thing.



Also, for the record, I don't believe this statistic, even
though this pretty girl does make me think twice about this. It's like when I
watch family feud, it would be helpful to me if instead of "we asked a
hundred people" they would specify what kind of people they asked.
"We asked 100 idiots" or "We asked 100 pageant contestants"
would help me choose different answers.



 



What do you listen to while working?



Nothing.



I am boring.



I listen to a bunch of people playing the game in all
directions, that's pretty distracting.



Ooh, ooh, I listened to the I Heart Huckabees soundtrack
earlier this week, does that count? By the soundtrack, I mean one song, the one
without any words (can't type while listening to singing) that goes do do do,
do do do, doot do do doooooo.



 



Isn't the violation of a restraining order the kind of
persistence that a woman would find endearing in a man?



Good question!



You would think so, huh?



I guess the phrase 'restraining order' is throwing me off.
Silly me.



So here's the short story: enthusiasm and affection towards
another is endearing. Violating restraining orders is not.



Sending someone a card in the mail is a nice gesture.
FedEx-ing them a vial of your blood is not.



Telling a lady that she looks nice is okay. Telling her she
smells delicious is not.



Baking someone a cake for their birthday is cool. Decorating
it with pictures you took of them through their windows is not.



You get the idea.

 

Wow, Bill Cosby looks FETAL in this picture.



Is that a giant jawbreaker with the color coating licked
off?



Why does he always make that face?



Where is his sweater?



Did anyone else think it was weird that his profession on
the Cosby show was delivering babies?

That's it for me this week! Please send me questions! 

Friday, August 31, 2007

How many times do you have to drive by a girl's house before she loves you?

Good question!

There are many answers to this question, and all of them depend on the type of vehicle you drive past said girls' house in. Please refer to the table below:

** The numbers are really just the numbers that would work for me. Experience may change with online play. Please be respectful of women, especially those you claim to 'love'. If you are unclear of what this entails, go to your local bookstore and ask for the self-help section. For more useless advice from a girl that is locked in an office with 100+ video game developing men all day, send me questions!

Everyone hates me but my mom says I'm special. How can this be?

I'm sure this isn't true. There's no way that EVERYONE hates you. I don't hate you. Here is a list of things that I hate:

[ul]
[li]cockroaches[/li]
[li]hangnails[/li]
[li]broken zippers[/li]
[li]food poisoning[/li]
[li]sports bars[/li]
[li]kids that cry when they don't get what they want[/li]
[li]parents that let their kids act this way[/li]
[li]Gwen Stefani[/li]
[li]whatever it is that causes my computer to crash once a week[/li]
[li]nightmares[/li]
[li]voicemail messages[/li]
[li]hot sauce that doesn't taste like anything, it's just hot[/li]
[li]bloggers[/li]
[li]walk signs that don't give me enough time to cross the street before the light changes back[/li]
[li]white chocolate[/li]

[/ul]

... just to name a few.
Those are the ones I can think of without getting preachy. If you're not on that list, you're probably in the clear.

And your mother is right. You are special. Once you've looked deep in yourself and figured out how and why you are special, you should do everything you can to exploit it. You never know. The world is your online banner ad, and you may end up with a free ipod nano.

How is it that DeVron , after all these years in the games industry, is able to keep it real?

For those of you that don't know, DeVron Warner is an Associate Producer (like me) on Rock Band. I get to witness his magic everyday. My honest answer to this question is: I don't know.

'Keepin' it Real' is a hard thing to accomplish. Mostly because of the ongoing nature of the verb. You can't just 'keep it real' once, you have to get it real, and maintain the realness in perpetuity. It's quite a burden. I assume that because of the hip-hop nature of the phrase, it is especially difficult to achieve this in a setting that is dedicated to rocking and rolling all the time. This doesn't seem to phase him in the least though.

When asked this question, DeVron simply replied:

"I just... you know... I do what I do... I don't know what else to say... that's how I roll."

Friday, August 17, 2007

So i was wondering where the name "AliceAndTwoTeenagers" comes from. Is it at all related to the author Marc Summers?

Yes!
Ok, for those of you who don't know: when I was little, there used to be a kids game show called Double Dare. They would ask you questions and then pour disgusting things on your head. Someone recently told me that the host of that show, Marc Summers had OCD and was a neat freak. I thought this was hysterical, so I looked it up.

For some reason, I was reading his bio and I couldn't stop laughing when I got to the sentence "he lives with his wife, Alice and two teenagers". I just misunerstood it at first, and got this mental image of him and his wife, some lady named Alice, and two teenagers just hanging out in the Brady Bunch house.

For the record, I don't go around pointing and laughing and researching people who have OCD. That's not nice.

What the f*** is this supposed to be?

I have no idea. This is one of a million things that confuses me about the internet. Or at least, makes me feel left out. I've never felt this way. If you do feel this way, I don't think you're in good enough shape to be on forums and letting loose your opinion on things.

I'm just going to say it. I hate emoticons.

I don't want to use them all the time. People don't need to know what kind of mood I'm in. That's none of their business. Emoticons make me feel like the internet is trying to shove me into one of the 7 Dwarf archetypes, and I don't like it. I'd like it they were honest about it and called them dwarficons, or Duff Beericons, or Smurficons... I could go on and on about this.

And if you're reading this and asking "why doesn't she just go download Snow White smileys" you're missing the point. IF I CAN'T BE ARIEL, I DON'T WANT TO BE ANY DISNEY CHARACTER!!!!!

Redheads are coming back in fashion.

Does Coca-Cola really dissolve chicken bones?

No, it doesn't. Just your soul.

I'm kidding. Not about the not dissolving chicken bones thing though. It really doesn't do that. I don't think we'd be alive to look forward to osteoperosis if it did.

I did find a website that lists strange uses for Coke, I'm not sure if I actually recommend trying any of these out, but I don't really recommend taking any of my advice anyways:

pouring Coke over a jellyfish sting

gargling Coke to get rid of the hiccups

use instead of tanning lotion. To get a tan, not block the sun.

Apparently it's a miracle stain and stench remover. This is disconcerting to me.

How can I get that smell out of my ironic hipster thrift store clothing?

Apparently you can wash it in Coke.

Thanks guys!

Keep sending me questions!

-naoko

Friday, July 20, 2007

How long into the relationship is it
okay to start passing gas in front of each other?


Girls don't fart.



Keeping this in mind, you should be
in the clear if you wait 5 years. And even then, tread
lightly.


 


How do you make someone less boring
all the time?


Give them a nickname.



There's a guy in QA who has suddenly
started calling himself 'Blaze Sunsetto'. I don't know him from a brick in the
wall, but the blind assumptions I make about him are a lot cooler now. Yup. I'm
making blind assumptions about YOU while you're reading this. You know what you've done.  ADMIT IT!!!!


Another thing you can do is spread
rumors about them. We told everyone at work that Meredith Baxter-Birney was
Jeff's mom. Jeff's plenty interesting, but he's in audio and has headphones on
all the time. He's an easy target.


 


Okay, fess up: who's the worst
singer at Harmonix? You can't all be divas--the people demand dirt!



I wish I had a good list of people
to embarrass right now.


But the sad truth is that people who
are really bad at singing just don't sing. Most of us are also too lazy to
change the audio settings, so the original vocals drown out the humans when we
play at work. We're not all divas. This is a video game company, people. We are
all a bunch of nerdy jerks. We're not allowed to play Magic: The Gathering at
work anymore because people were blowing off work to have mini intra-office
tournaments. I'd like to think that I work at the hippest company ever, and I do
in a million ways, but once in a while, something like Magic comes along and
proves that we still have a few more wedgies to receive before our lives are
over.

That's all from me this week!

SEND ME MORE QUESTIONS.

And thanks for reading my blog. I've never blog'd before, and I'm having so much fun!

 

Friday, July 6, 2007