Slappy’s Profile

Hey, you. Yeah, you. Whether you're an ardent fan of our games, a newcomer to Harmonix and to this site, or an award-winning journalist focused on the media, you all have one thing in common:

YOU NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS GAME.

And that's where I come in. I work at Harmonix, but not on Rock Band. And, thanks to a special provision in my contract (plus my own personal delusions), that means I'm not beholden to the level of secrecy that all the other guys have. So I get to tell it like it is.

The real deal. The true dirt. And not just the feel-good, human-interest fluff like "which two developers dropped their pants in the office today?" (Though I can tell you that, too.)

No, I can provide the important, super-secret answers to YOUR burning questions about Rock Band. So, put on your hard hat, children... I'm about to DROP SOME KNOWLEDGE. (And/or pants.)

SECRETS OF ROCK BAND

Q: What controllers will Rock Band support? Will I be able to rock out using my Guitar Freaks guitar? Can I mash the skins with my DK Bongos? And what about my Dreamcast Fishing Controller?

A: The company line is that we are not prepared to release any information on controller compatibility at this time. But I can tell you, here and only here, that you can construct a custom Rock Band controller using two pairs of Bongos, your Samba di Amigo maracas, an XBox headset, a Colecovision Steering Wheel and some duct tape.

We won't support it, and we'll probably laugh at you if we catch you making it. But you can do it. Have fun.

Q: Will there be enough games and controllers to go around when the game launches?

A: We're making only one of each instrument. So, yes, so long as you're willing to share.

Q: I find the idea of singing in public to be embarassing, so I don't think the vocal portion of Rock Band is for me.

A: That's not a question.

Q: Fine. HOW will you address the issue of vocals for --

A: For you wussy non-singers?

Q: Hey!

A: Sorry. Anyway, many of us at Harmonix are singers. Some of us are even good at it. Others however, not so much with the singing. Since we appreciate the sort of anxieties that can be brought on by a vocal performance, we intend to help players overcome their fears through our (patent pending) Singer Hesitation Aversion Therapy (Negating Emotional Responsivity).

During play, galvanic sensors in the Rock Band microphone will detect the stress levels of the Vocalist. If these stress levels reach a certain level, the game will help the player confront and ultimately master their fears by DRAWING YET MORE ATTENTION to them.

Initially, the in-game camera and lighting will adjust to draw more attention to the on-screen Singer. if elevated stress levels continue, on-screen information for all other instruments will shrink, until the Vocal Interface fills the screen. After several seconds, all game audio will be muted except the singer's voice, and the screen will flash such helpful affirmations as, "Gee, (player) sure can't sing, but I bet if they stick with it, this will much less embarassing in the future!"

We don't know if this will help you, but I'll be danged if it isn't heaps of fun for everyone else.

And finally...

Q: Are you ready to rock?

A: (mumble)

Q: I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I SAID, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

A: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Have a nice day.

-- Slappy

Super Secret Song Added to RB Today: Boot Scootin' Boogie (hey, the files were just lying around)

Friday, April 6, 2007